Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Oct 27th

Dear Heather,

Last night I tried to get to bed a little' earlier than usual which transpired to actually getting to bed later i.e. 11pm...oh my gosh! Why does that always happen?!? Anyways, when my alarm went off at 3:45am I kinda just wanted to punch my phone in the face. You know that Pink song thats makes us laugh where she says, "Sometimes I want to punch you in your whole face"-thats pretty much how I felt. Luckily my hair has been doing glorious things lately, it's basically my super power right now and I am able to go 3-4 days without washing it before it gets greasy! So I was able to hit SNOOZE and get ready with plenty of time to get to work. (I am showering though, so I promise I don't smell.) Today I was put on a different area of the floor and I was in charge of stacking and organizing all of the books Costco wants to sell during the holidays. It was a refreshing change after working in "hard lines" or as I call it "the man section" with all of the tools and heavy stuff. It was pretty funny though, I had to sit in the middle of the book table sometimes in order to stack the books that needed to go in the middle. We had like 6 pallets-10 layers high worth or books to stack so by the time the store opened we were still working ( they asked me to stay past my shift) and the customers were giving me pretty strange looks as they passed by the book table I was sitting in the middle of. It made me laugh! On my way home from work I was feeling chatty and just wanted to call and talk to someone. It wasn't quite noon so mom wasn't on break yet, Ashlee was still visiting with dad so I didn't want to bother her or him..so I literally thought "hey! I'll call Heather!" Of course as soon as I thought it I was rudely reminded, "sister you can't call me duh!" I can almost hear you saying it…That's always a big blow, it happens more often than you think, and every time it hurts just as much. Heather I wish Heaven had visiting hours…
I ended up calling Alfac to see why one of my claims was taking so long lol so I did get to talk to someone at least! I did something to my foot and back though, I've been hobbling around since I got home, that can't be good! I once again crashed as soon as I saw Jack off to school and Ben was put down for a nap. I don't know how to balance my life out again yet. Even though Chris is home when I get home, we rarely get to spend time together and its frustrating. We are going to try and do date nights on Saturdays from now on so I am looking forward to that VERY MUCH. I miss my husband, I kinda' like that guy. After I woke up Chris had already left for work. He must have JUST left because he had brought Jack in from the bus and had them occupied. I feel like a loser mom when I wake up to my boys happily watching a movie on the couch together while I've been sleeping…Chris had rice in the rice cooker and meatballs ready to put in the oven for dinner, he even had green beans and pears WITH the can opener next to them. Oh! And he also had the table set! How did I get so lucky?! He knows I am stressed, I REALLY appreciate all he does for me to lighten my load. After dinner I brushed the boys teeth, Benny has finally stopped screaming and crying like I am trying to kill him so thats good news. I'm still singing the ABC song while I brush their teeth and I love hearing Jack try to sing it with his mouth full of tooth paste and a tooth brush. Gosh that kid is amazing! He seriously is so wonderful sis! We read books and said prayers, but I felt like I hadn't gotten enough time with them yet so Jack and I started chatting about all sorts of things, that boy has the BIGGEST imagination! He wanted to show me the toys he wanted to ask Santa for in the Toys R' Us and Target catalogs we had just received (he circled the things he liked with a crayon, so adorable). We chatted about how Santa doesn't always bring us EVERYTHING we want but picking 2 or 3 things we like would give Santa enough ideas to think about. I mentioned making "wish lists" and Jack was ALL over that! We cut out the pictures and glued them onto computer paper. Jack wrote him and Ben's names on their separate lists and he drew pictures of "Santa Man". Jack has pretty impressive writing and I love his letters! He actually writes Ben's name better than his own which makes me giggle.. Benny was just as enthusiastic about making the lists and started circling every other toy in the catalogs. Silly boy, he REALLY wanted to cut the pictures out himself and kept saying, "and ME!" and pointing to himself. I helped him cut one of the pictures out but he was getting really close to poking his eye out and we really didn't want to pull an "uncle stewart". After we were done Jack was ready to "take them to the North Pole." I convinced him it would be quicker if we just mailed them in the morning. I think I am going to send them to mom, just so I can scrap book them one day. Here's some pictures from our "wish list" making adventure. I would have loved if you came over to play with us tonight. Jack talks about you multiple times during the day still, I hope that never changes. He tells strangers on the street about you, and his primary teacher tells me he talks to her about you often as well. You two have a special bond that can never be broken. He even wrote you a song sis, I got him to sing it to me & teach me the words. What a heartbreaker that one! He worries me though, I'm wondering if we should take him to see a grieving counselor or something. I just want to make sure his big heart and giant spirit haven't been crushed. He's seen so much sadness in his short 4 years it worries me. Boy I wish I could squeeze and kiss him 24 hours a day. His preschool makes that hard though, but he LOVES going to school 4 days a week and LOVES riding the bus even more. He's getting so big Heather! Since you've been gone you've missed so much sister... I say this, but I do know your really not missing anything at all. Your here always it's just all of us left behind that are missing you. My good friend Karissa sent me this poem today, talk about tear jerker! I wish you were able to meet her. She lives RIGHT next door and I just love her to death. Such a sweetheart and totally down to earth, she's so giving too and completely hilarious. I know you would have liked her. Love you sis, miss you EVERYDAY. Good thing sisters are forever. Love, Bubba

Go HERE to watch the video of Jack singing the song her wrote about "Ree-Ree"

1 comment:

J & A Fernelius said...

When my best friend Tiffany passed I would have moments where I would call her number get her voicemail and then remember Ah; crap she won't get it! I decided to make a necklace with her picture on it and hang it from the rear view mirror so in those moments when I needed to talk with her I could. It helped alot! I am sure those who saw me talking to myself in the car thought I had lost my marbles, but it wasn't about them.... it was a way to help me heal from the loss.

I still here her voice on occasion and I treasure those moments. Heather is close she is watch after you and your family and loving you just as much from the veil as she did here in the present.

You are a marvel! We love you so very much and love to hear how your family is doing!