My Doctor gave me an A+

Yesterday was my 20 week ultrasound and checkup. My ultrasound lasted a little over an hour and it was so exciting for Chris and I to see every cute little detail of our little boy. I've seriously never had that great of an ultrasound before and I loved being able to see each finger, toe, and his cute little pouty lips (he got those from me btw). This little boy's profile is just adorable! And his little feet that kicked nearly the whole time with sure be kissed a lot once he's born! I'm SO in love with this little guy already I can't wait to cuddle him! The ultra sound technician said everything from our babies measurements to his organs look great! He has every single finger and toe and is growing magnificently! Let me just tell you, there is nothing greater than knowing you are growing a healthy child.

Next came the (dreaded) urine sampling, weight gain check, and blood pressure check. Because of my past experience with pre-clampsia I was really nervous about this! Last month I started to show signs of hypertension again with some sudden weight gain and high blood pressure and I've been doing everything I can to make sure this doesn't happen again. Well, no protein in my urine, an excellent blood pressure reading, and I've only gained 11 pounds so far! My doctor told me he was thrilled with everything and that my pregnancy was going PERFECT! I was skeptical and kept asking him over and over again if all I'm doing is right and he told me that he is very proud of my efforts and that there is not a thing more I can do to ensure a healthy pregnancy. (He has been having me count my calories 1800/day and exercise 3 days a week for an hour). I am proud to say that I have kept on track with this and am feeling GREAT! Can you believe it? I never though the nausea and vomiting would ever quit, but it was funny..When I woke up on Tuesday, which was my half way mark I just felt amazing. My skin was glowing, I had tons of energy, and I just felt like I could finally take on the day. I have been battling a skin rash on my neck and have just been feeling more or less ugly. But that is clearing up and I have been putting some good time in at the gym. I haven't been super hungry with this baby so I haven't had to worry about cravings or anything this time around, but I'm so happy I've stopped throwing up. I'm feeling really strong again and by the end of the two appts I was in happy tears. It was so great to see everything from my body to the babies is healthy and that everything so far is great. I feel SO blessed right now I know this was the boost I needed to get through the two weeks I will be home alone with Jack. I think as long as I keep on track with the health goals my doctor (whom I absolutely LOVE) and I set I will continue to have a great pregnancy. I stop watching my friends baby tomorrow and though it will be sad to not see him everyday I know I need these last 4 months to bond with my Jack-Jack and stay healthy. I am so happy my appointment went so well and just love the 3 boys I have been given to take care of in my life

I'm Sad Today

I really am just sad today...I've been crying and just wishing I had a turtle shell to haul up in for a few days. I know, I know...I'm 18 weeks pregnant so maybe it's just emotions, but the tunnels of life have just been long and I'm just waiting to see the light again. Something I've learned about being a mom is life can't just stop. No matter the jerks who creep in on your happiness, the troubles you face, or the  emotional hurt you inflict on yourself. When your me, you can't ignore your most important job, that of being a mom. Not only am I a full-time mother to Jack, but also a full time mother to this boy growing inside me. No. I'm not feeding, changing, or burping the little guy. But he's sure been giving me endless sleepless nights, headaches, hip aches, queasiness, and all around constant discomfort. I'm not trying to whine, but seriously if you see a grimace on my face it's not you. It's the jabbing pain in my side or the constant belly ache I get whenever I eat. By 5 pm everyday I'd LIKE to call it a night, but most of the time i'm still on full time "chase Jack-Jack duty". You probably are reading this thinking, "wow...what a wimp, I have 5 kids and am not this whiney." We all have limits. I don't think 5 kids is going to be my life long endeavor anymore...

Regular Me:
I need routine and I can't just sit still reading a book or watching a show. I have project after project that fill my head. I'm a clean freak, and love to cook. I enjoy spending time with friends and family. etc etc. I'm basically just try to be a friend to all.

Lately Me:
Don't judge me, don't think I'm insane, don't forget me. Just know I try really really hard to do everything and as of lately I have no energy or desire to do ANYTHING..which means less cooking, less cleaning, less to no effort in relationships. Right now I just need to slow down and get through this next 5 months because pregnancy isn't something that sits well with me. Right now I really just want to get through the day without feeling like a failure. I'm just grateful for the friends and family of mine who really understand me and know that I need them right now, they may be very aware of my absence but still have kept our relationships strong. I'm very good at giving more than I take in a relationship, but I can't seem to meet my usual standards right now. Thank heavens for a husband who knows that and see's me beat myself over it, just to reassure me I'm great and wonderful no matter what. Thank heavens for a mother who probably knows me even more since she's seen every side of me for 23 years. She lifts me up, gives me breaks, and calms my soul. Thank heavens for friends. Never did I appreciate true friends until these past few months when they have kept me busy by stopping by or lending an ear. Thank heavens for my two sisters who call me and text me often, I may not get to see them as much as we would like but they are in my life everyday. I can't wait to feel like myself again. I still try to do so much and find that many opportunities to serve are thrown my way instead, but this is probably because thats the kind of busy I need to be right now. I'm just writing this down because this is my life's journal and I need to get it out of my head and in the open so I don't feel like I need to explain myself to every single person. I feel I am always wanting/needing to say "Im sorry", but now realizing this is just time that will pass and pretty soon I'll reach the end of this tunnel.

The 2nd time around..

I'm going to be a mom of TWO in just a little over 5 months...CRAZY. I feel like these past 17 weeks have flown by, and I can understand why. Chasing and raising a 2 year old sure occupies your time and mind. I feel like I spend all my time focused on Jack, and rarely any time daydreaming about our little boy on the way. This is so different because I remember just thinking about Jack ALL.DAY.LONG while he was in my belly. I'm beyond excited to have this little one joining our home, I guess it still just feels surreal. I'll be half-way through this pregnancy at the end of this month and it seriously shocks me! We have our 20 week ultrasound May 29th and I can't wait to see in detail this little boys features.

10 Things that are different with this pregnancy:
#1 I've continued to have nausea and "morning" sickness past the 1st trimester.
#2 My skin is HORRIBLE, I'm constantly breaking out on my face and my skin is SO dry.
#3 I've been able to feel baby brother move since I was 13 weeks and he is quite the poke and prodder already.
#4 I can smell things MUCH MUCH stronger than with Jack, stinky feet are my enemy right now, I can even smell them on strangers from more than 5 feet away. It's horrible.
#5 I cry at like every movie and commercial. I actually cried at the end of "How to Train Your Dragon" It's bad.
#6 I haven't gained weight as quickly as I did with Jack.
#7 I'd basically not eat food if I didn't have to...
#8 I've become a shut-in, I never want to leave my house.
#9 I appreciate my husband more and recognize better the sacrifices he makes to let me stay home with our kids. This is something I want, and love and I feel blessed and grateful that he has made it possible.
#10 I'm not so nervous about having a newborn, I feel like I've got this "Momma" thing under control.

I love not being stressed about buying the essentials or anything, we have basically EVERYTHING this little guy will need, plus some! This definitely makes Chris happy, though he did take me to buy a couple new outfits for our little one :) But other than that, baby brother will be using Jack's crib bedding, blankets, clothes, shoes, etc. Which is great because I love that they are really going to get good use, especially because some of the clothes we have, have been hardly worn! I took it upon myself to make this little guy a new swaddling blanket THE NIGHT we found out he was a he :) it helped me feel closer to him and really made me feel like I was showing him how much I already love him. I'm trying to get the motivation to block out a quilt, but I've really been out of sorts. I've been having all sorts of aches and pains, and am still throwing up most days..I've also started swelling some nights which worries me. My doctor has given me a lot of advise this past week and I've been doing my best to adhere to it. I want this pregnancy to go as smoothly as it possible can. This does mean that I will need to stop watching my good friends baby at the end of the month. I feel terrible for putting her in this situation, but I know it will be the best thing for me and our baby.

Besides being sick (like all the time) nothing really is new around here. We stay home most week days unless we are invited elsewhere. Chris and my dad like switching handy man projects, they have been working on the sprinklers at our house and at my parents house most recently. It's nice having a handy man for a father and he has taught Chris a lot. I swear Chris will be able to build a house from the ground up, once they finish my dad's garage. Between Chris' dad teaching him all his auto mechanic skills and my dad teaching him things like laying and fixing sprinkler lines, I've got a real Jack of all trades on my hands :)

This summer it will be just Jack and I during the day, I'll be taking it easy so it will be very mellow. Filled with BBQ's in the backyard and walks to the park across the street. I don't want to take any of the tender moments for granted while we have just little Jack. This will be his last summer as our one and only, i'm going to make sure to document all of it so I don't forget a thing!