Monday, Monday

We needed a do-over after a crazy Monday. That day the boys were just on one! Sunday night Chris & I went over our budget & the bills we needed to pay that week, we also made a detailed grocery list with the weeks menu of dinner's, lunches, & breakfast choices . So come Monday morning I had the brilliant idea to take the boys with me grocery shopping..(never again) I'm pretty sure I say that every time! Anyways, my list was organized by sections of the store produce, bread, canned items, condiments, etc so I thought' it was going to be a SUPER EASY in and out sort of trip. Well, they were all out of the "vroom" carts as Ben calls them & my basket got so full I had to take the boys out so I could fit the rest of our groceries in there & so everything didn't get smashed by little red. So for the rest of the time it was basically me chasing after two kids and backtracking every aisle because I kept forgetting to grab things from all the commotion. An hour and a half later &; we finally made it to the check out stand. I could not for the life of me get Benjamin to stay by me while we checked out and him & Jack kept getting into tiffs over the littlest things. They were slugging each other, which then would make each other cry & practically tripping me by running in circles by my feet. I finally had them both sit down and fold their arms next to me. Jack can tell when I mean business so he was very obedient and sat very still with his arms folded, but Benny? Ya he SCREAMED, and yelled, & started to swat at me. I couldn't focus on checking out and I was SO done by this point that I just put him in the basket. This made him even MORE mad and he just screamed the entire time I was checking out. I'm pretty sure everyone there was staring at me! Except for this nice lady behind us in line, she gave her best effort to try and cheer Ben up and kept complimenting me for not loosing my cool, she said "we've all been there your handling this marvelously" it really helped I was feeling very frazzled by the end of our "excursion" & starting to sweat from all the commotion. I never did yell or freak out though, I'm proud of myself for that. I was praying the whole time to not loose my patience and I was able to talk to both boys with a serious by soft voice. Even though they didn't listen as well as I hoped we still made it out of there alive!! I had school that night so I quickly prepared the chicken gravy needed for Hawaiian haystacks, transferred it to the crock pot to keep warm, and put rice in the rice cooker. I then dropped the boys off at Ronda's & headed to class. I had Chris pick up the boys because class was running behind, but I still managed to make it home before him. I was able to get all of the toppings cut up and table set before the boys got home & I was hoping with food in all of our bellies we'd have a better evening...well Chris came home frustrated and the boys still wound up. I guess Jack behaved very badly in the 15 minutes picking them up and driving home. I finally just ordered everyone to calm down & that no grumpy people would be aloud at the dinner table. The boys did eat well & I immediately had Chris get them ready for bed afterwards (it was 6:45 by that point) close enough to bedtime right? Buckets of tears ensued from both boys...while Chris was getting the boys ready for bed I finished the dishes & fell into a heap on the couch. I ended up reading THE saddest post from a good friend of my sister-in-law Stephanie. Her friend had lost their baby a little over halfway through her pregnancy most likely due to a car accident :( her friends husband explained in the most tender writing that they had suffered from infertility & after years of trying this baby meant everything to them. I just kept bawling & bawling for this heartbroken family. I remember receiving their Christmas card last year which was also a baby announcement, I had heard they were having trouble conceieving & Chris and I were so happy for them! I don't know them well, just through FB, Instagram, & a little chatting through messenger, but they are really good people who love each other so much. I just keep praying for their comfort at this time, I can only imagine and empathize with a small amount of what they are going through..I'm glad they have each other to hold onto at this heartbreaking time, some things are just too sad to even begin to comprehend... :(

While I was sitting on the couch just sobbing Ben came out to show me his pretty "teefs" after being brushed and to give me "big hugs momma!" Something about Ben is he gives THE biggest and BEST hugs! Ever since he was tiny he'd wrap his arms around your neck and squeeze! I love it. He also loves giving kisses & often gives them unsolicited accompanied with, "I yuv you momma! Most most!" That night I never wanted to let go of him and his hugs, and luckily he let me hold him as long as I wanted and kept giving me big kisses on both of my cheeks. My life was really put into perspective that night and I was even more glad I didn't loose my cool throughout the day because I really am the luckiest and beyond blessed to have the children that I do. The day may have been a "disaster" but I went to bed feeling more grateful and more in love with all three of my boys than I did when I woke up that morning. So I guess it was a win.