It's just the beginning

Wow...This week has been truly CRAZY...full of so many unexpected trials and humbling experiences. It's funny how my life has begun moving at a "take-it or leave-it" pace these days. I feel like I never have enough time to stew over a decision and I have almost stopped replaying every aspect of my day over and over again in my head. At the end of the day I just feel lucky to have gotten through it all. I'm the type of person who ALWAYS has a, "plan" and a "list." I'm beyond OCD and I have severe anxiety issues. Having a "plan" and a "list" seems to be the only way to get me through this life. Until Recently. How can you have a plan or check off items on your list when life just starts HAPPENING. I mean never have I felt so out of control of everything around me, I feel as if keeping up my daily "cray cray," as one of my co-workers call it would only make me disappointed with myself. (he thinks I'm a little loopy, what with my hundreds of lists and how I balance my check book at least 10 times a day...like numbers change or something? haha)

Anyways. I feel like I'm constantly growing up. Realizing there is only so much I can control and that I can't save the world. For example, I used to run around at work like a chicken with it's head chopped off trying to take care of every aspect of the day. I knew that if I did it, it would get done right. So I bore the weight on my shoulders and practically consumed myself in my job. Then...I got pregnant. I found myself tiring easily, becoming forgetful, not to mention throwing up at least 3 times during my shift. I felt as if I couldn't control myself anymore. I wasn't the smart, lively, energetic, go-to girl that everybody counted on. I basically just felt stupid and not myself. Thankfully I have a wonderful boss who says things like, "Things happen" which I totallllly over analyze, but I think the light bulb has finally gone on and I can learn to take things with a grain of salt. I can't always control my circumstances and I can't beat my self up for it. On a happy note, I got a raise Monday the day I was checked into the hospital...ironic and what a blessing!

This crazy week started like this....last Tuesday I worked an extremely crazy long shift. (For an 8 month pregnant woman at least) 8:45-7:30. It was just a REALLY busy day, the kind of day where you don't even have time to breath, let alone take a break. We were understaffed and I agreed to work a full day (with no lunch). I must have REALLY worn myself out because the next day I slept in until 1 in the afternoon. I physically COULDN'T get out of bed. My entire body just ached and I was puffy from head to toe. My grandma advised me to take my B/P at one of the grocery store pharmacy's and I was shocked to see it was very high for me: 147/89 my typical B/P is around 118/60. I called my Dr just to see if it was anything to be worried about and he had me come in right away.

They had me do the urine test and found high traces of protein in my urine, my blood pressure reading at the Dr's office was 150/85 and I had gained 5 pounds in two days (I had just seem him 2 days earlier for my regular office visit.) Dr Watts seemed very concerned and had me admitted to St Marks for some labs and tests that night. I was there for around 8 hours. They were able to stabilize my B/P, but only if I was laying down. They had me do a 24 hour urine collection and my protein levels were still pretty high, 225 Mg. 300 Mg means preeclampsia. Luckily my kidney's and liver hadn't been affected and I was able to go home. I had a follow up appt with Dr Watts Monday the 14th and that didn't prove to pleasing either. My B/P was at 157/98, my protein levels had already risen in just a few days, I was having TERRIBLE headaches, kidney pain, I was starting to get blurred vision and was seeing spots. The thing that scared me the most was that Dr Watts said once or if my B/P rose to 160/110 he would induce me immediately. He is a really good Dr though and made me feel calm and I knew was in good hands. He had me admitted to the hospital that evening for 36 hours (which turned into about 28) They ran all sorts of tests, took tons of blood, had regular B/P readings, and gave me 2 VERY painful steroid shots to develop Jack's lungs. I felt safe though and I surprising didn't stress. This was out of my control and I just had to do the best I could to stay calm and collected for mine and my little one's health. The Dr came and saw me off and ordered STRICT bed rest, basically I can't move from my bed unless I have to use the restroom...He said he was sure with discipline and regular visits that we could Jack to 36,37 weeks! BIG relief. So here I am NOT stressing at home in my bed for 5 more weeks. In the Dr's words, "It will be interesting to see how these next few weeks play out PIH is very unpredictable, and serious. Needs be, you will be re-admitted or induced if any of your symptoms worsen. Take it easy and I will see you every week from now until the baby is born."

Chris and I are blessed, with the steroid shots I was given all Jack's organs with be fully developed and if(when) he comes early he will be totally healthy and completely fine. Dr Watts said at worst he will be in the NICU for a little while, but we will still get to take home a healthy beautiful baby. I am so happy that things are looking up and my ONLY job right now is to take it easy, STAY in bed, and continue to cook my little guy for as long as possible. We have been blessed with a WONDERFUL supportive family who are doing everything they can to ease our burdens. They have set up an arrangement to bring dinners M-F and I am so grateful for the company and time they spend with me as well. I had tons of visitors at the hospital and I've known since the beginning that me and Chris are not it this alone. Baby Jack is soooo loved and so am I. Love you ALL. I will keep you posted :)

<3 B